You are never given a wish without being given
the power to make it true.

You may have to work for it, however.

Sincerest apologies for having not posted in so long! Hopefully there are some who still check back in, however rarely.

I think my topic for this post will be dedicated to finding faith in one's self.  Faith that decisions made are ones guiding to a better future, no matter how distant.  One might think that the faith I'm refering to is in religion, but religion only saves us from the dispair of death, not the despair of life.

There are many times in life when we are going through something difficult that tries every ounce of our souls. It confuses and hurts, making us feel as if we are trapped in a snare of indecision and doubt. We question the decisions we make and doubt that they are the proper way to handle a situation.  Sometimes the decision is hard, but right.  Remember that the hard way is usually the right way.  The world is designed in this fashion to make us stronger and let us realize that we can have faith in ourselves when we must make trying decisions.

Realize that faith in yourself gives you confidence. Having faith in yourself makes you able to trust your judgement and not make second guesses.  Remember you can't go into the past to change things and that a difficult situation usually has something good about it.  Whether it be an element or a lesson, respect and have faith in yourself to learn what it is.  I can't remember who said this but also take to heart that "sometimes when something is so wrong, there is something so right that you would do it all over again."

So have faith in yourself

~Forever Faithful

Cal

I was visiting, as I very often do, with one of my very good friends and we decided to go and see her horse.  I, mind you, know nothing of horses and and far as I am concerned; they are just too large to handle on a personal level. My opinion on that has however changed. 

My friend is very much obsessed with her horse, and I know everything about him. Which is ok. It's good to be devoted to something and want everyone to know about it.  She's told me so much about this horse and how much she loves him, I figured he's like a big dog to her.  However, I never realized how a person could bond to such an animal.  She really associated with him as if he were a person, and he responded to her as if he was.  They understood each other so well, it amazed me.  I never realized how personable and emotional and animal could be.

What else I really appreciated was while we were visiting the horse, she showed me how unconditional love really works.  This horse was obviously in tune to her, and just because he loved her, no reason other than that. He purely appreciated her presence as much as she did his.  And my friend explained to me that she didn't love him because he had won many ribbons at horse shows or because he has exceptional breeding or because he was one of the best horses in the stable's trainer's eyes.  She loves him because he is himself, he never lies, and never judges.  She explained to me that being part of an unconditional relationship, such as this, is worth more than anything in the world.  She doesn't expect anything from him and he doesn't expect anything from her. She explained to me that some people only get horses that will win in the show ring.  It's all they care about apparently.  It was mind boggling to her how someone wouldn't want a relationship with a horse.  It's the reason she got into horses, she told me, to learn how to love them for who they are, not for what they can win.  But her and her horse have obviously accomplished that.  They love each other for who they are and are perfectly content with each other.  It's amazing. 

I wish I were a horse .

I'm not OK, you're not OK-and that's OK.

-William Sloane Coffin

Growth begins when we start to accept our own weakness

-Jean Vanier

So many times I see people who are down or going through a difficult time, and they make it so much harder on themselves by trying to feel better. People spend so much money on counselors and therapy to fix emotions that are necessary and natural. Now while it may be true that there are times when help is needed, most of the time, you don't. 

We need to experience saddness and grief in order to grow and appreciate ourselves as human beings. It's ok to be sad. It's ok to grieve.  It's not easy.  It's not supposed to be.  Nothing is learned from an easy run of it.  We learn from conquering the difficult, the seemingly impossible. When our hearts are breaking, we learn to appreciate when they aren't.  We learn how valuable the elements in our lives are that heal our broken hearts. One never knows the value of a bandaid until there is some blood dripping from your finger.  One never will learn the value of the things that bring us joy until we are sad.

Our society tells us it's not ok to not be ok.  We need to ask each other, "What's wrong" and then offer advice.  Why can't we just let each other deal ourselves.  Our minds and souls only put us through what we need to be put through. If we are feeling depressed, we are meant to learn something from it, and it will only pass when we do.  The fact that people push so hard to be happy and content only leads to false happiness.  You may feel good, but it's generic and when examined, people can tell.  Gaining false happiness through therapy or worse, perscription drugs, only leads to a worse depression later, when one realizes they they never achieved happiness.   

We can only achieve happiness by understanding saddness. That can be destroyed however, but the desperate need to be ok.  Accept that not being ok is ok and that it will lead to inner balance and contentment.  Our souls and bodies naturally alternate between emotions to naturally balance ourselves and teach us appreciation.  Just like we are tired and wide awake, hungry and full, cold and hot, we are sad and happy.  And just like being cold or hot, that's natural and good.

Nothing you can lose by dying is half as precious as the readiness to die, which is man's charter of nobility.

~George Santayana

It's difficult to mourn, I do admit.  And they say that time heals all wounds, yet I don't know if I believe that.  When you loved someone enough, time just teaches you how to manage the pain.  Like learned helplessness.  There have been studies done with dogs, that when they are confined to a pen and reapeatedly shocked, after initially trying to escape, lay down and accept the hurt.  I believe that time does the same to our mourning. 

It's times like this that make me question my own humanity and mortality. 

As you can tell from past entries, I am religious and believe that the soul moves on after death, yet who can shake the feeling of one who just died.  Someone who you were close to?  I believe that while your soul moves on, there are memories and experiences that cannot accompany it.  Why do I think this? Well, in the bible we are taught that there is no saddness or anger in Heaven. Now if I went to heaven and a loved one wasn't there, I do believe I would be upset.  So in that instance, all memories of that person would stay behind.  All my anger, regret, and grief would also be left behind.  And so our essence is formed.  This essence is mistaken for a soul, although it isn't.  It can sometimes be confused for a ghost.  A collection of mostly sad memories would be a sad "ghost", and so on.  Memories are powerful and vivid in life.  Our minds are powerful things, so why wouldn't what they store be as powerful?  I don't believe memories can simply go away.  They give us goosebumps when we are exposed to the memories of those who have left us.   They can alter our perceptions. We are very much influenced by them.

I take a little comfort thinking a bit of my loved ones are still here.  Yet still I mourn.  Time hasn't taught me how to suffer this wound silently.  Yet I humbly accept the chance to learn.  I have no other choice.

Forever Faithful

Cal